Bars of
Babbitt
An
Open Letter to My Loved Ones
by Dai Masters
Dear
Family for whom I love,
As
I approach my 27th
birthday I feel a strong urge to come out and express myself as who I
am, and what I truly believe. Don't worry, I'm not Gay. But I do hope
you will reserve judgment on what you are about to read until you've
read it in its entirety.
I'm
choosing this format to convey this message to you because it's the
most comfortable for me. I feel that I will be able to express
everything on my mind in a much more eloquent manner than I would
through vocal communication. I also feel that this would be the only
way I could speak my mind, so to speak, without interruption. I don't
mean to offend anyone by that statement, but Aunt Joy, you are the
mouth of the family for a reason. (Please, don't kill me!)
I'm
not sure where to really begin, so I guess I'll go to the beginning.
That seems like a logical choice. As far back as I can remember I've
been Pentecostal. Whether it was Evangelical or Apostolic. Every
church I went to, every revival, it was Fundamentalist Doctrine.
Don't get me wrong, I know that the words Fundamentalist, and
Doctrine, are usually negative connotations, but here I don't mean
them to be. I know no one wants to be called Fundamentalist, but I
was. For a while. At times I felt the calling to even be a preacher.
In my little private school I used to preach on our Wednesday
services. I remember one in particular, It became known as the
'dinosaur' sermon. It was about God's infinite Power, and an example
I used to put God's power in perspective was that maybe dinosaurs
were on Noah's Ark, he just shrank them temporarily for the ride.
After
the flood he expanded them, and since the flood was such a disastrous
event it changed earth's climate and the dinosaurs couldn't survive
the climate change and went extinct. It is silly, I know.
Then I
remember one that I did on Acts 2:38, and the plan of salvation. Paw
paw helped me with that one. It's interesting sitting here, typing
this out while thinking about these things. It's almost surreal.
I
did a few of those Wednesday services, I volunteered for them, and no
one really wanted to do them. I always led prayer in the school. And
I did go there a couple of years. I remember enjoying church, most of
the time, once I was old enough to understand what was going on and I
wasn't just sleeping under a Pew.
I
remember carrying my bible to school when I attended public school.
But I also remember backsliding. I remember when I didn't want to go
to church. I remember how guilty I would get. I remember how hard I
would pray for God to give me strength to please fill me with the
desire to go to church.
Every so often I would want to go to
church again, and then I'd backslide. Back and forth. Most all of my
life. I also remember the times I'd fake it and pretend to want to
go, and force myself to.
And I had good reason to. I knew
someone who experienced miracles first hand. Paw Paw. Who had prayer
answered nigh instantaneously! A man who gave it to God. All of it.
Regardless of what anyone thinks. Paw paw told me constantly. Nothing
of his would be if it wasn't for the Lord, Jesus Christ. The only
miracle paw paw told me about specifically, was the Bars of Babbitt.
We all know the story, but just in case someone who isn't family
happens upon this I'll go ahead and tell it to the best of my
abilities.
I'm
not exactly sure what year it was, but as paw paw told me, he was on
the way home from Beaumont. He needed a certain amount of Babbitt.
Babbitt is a bearing material, it can be comprised of many different
alloys. It's a Metal. If he didn't get this metal he couldn't finish
a huge job, and he didn't have the money to buy it either. So he was
Praying for it. When he looked up he saw something shining on the
left side of the feeder road eastbound on I-10 Between Beaumont and
Vidor. As he got closer he saw it was metal. He also saw another man,
an African American, Headed towards him (apparently the wrong way, as
the feeder is one way. Or at one time the feeders may have been two
way roads, I don't know.) So paw paw sped up and got to the metal on
the side of the road first. Upon inspection he realized that it was
Babbitt! And it was more than he needed! So now he had Extra! He
could finish the job, get paid and feed his family because of these
bars of Babbitt on the side of the road.
Because he prayed for
it. This story was the evidence I used to justify my belief for many,
many years. Yet I remember many a prayer of mine going unanswered. I
never witnessed a miracle first hand. And we know, paw paw was the
most honest person in the world, and never made up stories like
being the captain of a submarine in WW2 or anything dishonest like
that...
I
always wondered why it was pawpaw pretty much only read the new
testament. I have spent many a night with my nose in the bible trying
to find answers. What I did find was anything but.
I
asked myself, how can I believe something without reading it? I was
raised to believe this book is the literal word of god. I was doing
God a dishonor by not reading it. So I did. The first time I read it
I was younger, and a lot of it didn't stick. But I've read it a few
times since. It is from close examination of this text, even down to
it's original Greek and Hebrew direct translations, that I have
deduced that if a God does exist he is not
the
god of the bible.
Read your bibles, all of you, The inaccuracies, the
contradictions... the unfulfilled messianic prophecies they are all
there, and are in black, white, and red.
The questions I asked my self are questions I am
sure every Christian asks themselves at some time. If god exists why
does he allow so much suffering? If god is all knowing, and knows
what I will do no matter what, he knows everything and all things,
then how does free will exist? One I asked myself is 'Would I kill my
family if God told me to?' If beyond the shadow of a doubt God
revealed himself to me, and he is the Abrahamic god, And he
commanded to me sacrifice my family as he asked Abraham to sacrifice
Isaac, would I be able to do it?
I would not be able to.
No
matter how much I loved God, or Jesus, no matter how much I would
want to be in heaven I wouldn't be able to do it. I just can't
imagine I could bring myself to do it at all.
I'm tired of
pretending to be something I'm not. I'm tired of pretending to
believe in God, when in actuality I do not. I do not believe the
world was created in six days. I do not believe that we are all
descendants from Adam and Eve. I do not believe that god created you,
or me. I don't believe in an afterlife.
The last one kills
me. But there is no evidence to support an afterlife, there is no
evidence to support god. Personal experiences are one thing, and they
are subjective and relative. They are not proof. I would want nothing
more than after I die to be able to see Paw Paw, but I know that
won't happen.
What's the point of life if there is no God?
Well, I'll tell you. The only meaning life has to anyone is what
meaning you give it. It's a relief actually, not believing in God. It
shows me how little we have in this universe, and that this is our
only chance to Live. Why spend your entire life oppressing your
individuality to prepare for an afterlife that there is no evidence
to support?
I'm sure part of this has to do with paw paw
dying. How could god let paw paw suffer? Or anyone suffer? How could
god let him go through that? Why did god create cancer? These were
probably the beginnings of me seriously questioning God's existence.
And I've spent countless hours studying the bible since, trying to
find the answers.
There are none.
I am so sorry if I
offend any of you, it is not my intent. Aunt Joy, I removed you from
my Facebook friends list so you wouldn't have to see My struggle with
this journey, the anger I had at first was pretty strong. “How dare
God not exist!!!” was what I was exclaiming. With every attack,
with every comment I've made defaming god. The blasphemy that came
out of me when I came to the realization that my Imaginary friend
wasn't real. It was traumatic at first. But, that's only because I
was indoctrinated, brainwashed. By the Church, by all you guys. I
don't blame you for it, I really don't, because you whole-heatedly
believe this. You believe in god, and to you maybe he is real... but
what evidence do you have of this?
Thank you Aunt Joy, for
helping raise me. Thank you for everything you've every done for me,
and for all the support you've given me in this life. Thank you for
being loud, abrasive, and for just being you.
Uncle John,
thank you for being you. You are a very kind person. Thank you for
showing me how to install programs on my first computer. Without that
I don't think I'd be as well versed in their uses as I am now.
Without that, I would have never used the internet, I would have
never been able to find the knowledge on anything I desire. I truly
appreciate you.
Derek, I owe you a lot. You've been a huge
influence on my life. A best friend, a Brother. Yes, at times you
could be cruel... [your evil twin.] But in general you were loving,
and even though you would get annoyed with me you tried your best to
answer any questions I had, whether they be about Star Trek, or God.
You exposed me to critical thinking, Free Thinking and to Logic and
reason. Without those, I wouldn't be who I am today, and I wouldn't
have been able to shed the oppression that is God. Thank you.
Maw
Maw, I love you. I am so sorry you are disappointed in me, I don't
want you to be at all. I'm sorry that I probably disgust you. I'm
sorry you're going to see this as a failure on your part. But it
isn't. I came to this on my own, through studying the bible.
Mom,
Well, You already know all of this. I love you, and I think you're a
closeted atheist. =P
I am an Atheist.
Believe it or
not, Atheism is just the lack of a belief in god. That is the only
thing that binds two atheist together. They both share this lack of
belief. Everything else varies. Political Opinions, personal morals,
etc... the ONLY commonality atheists share is they don't believe in
God.
I guess, I would have to categorize myself as a Militant
Atheist, only because I believe that Religion is a detriment to
society, and has held back scientific progress. It has held back
medical progress. That without religion we would be much further a
long as a society than we are now. I think it is wrong to expose
young children to religion before they are old enough to make a
decision for themselves. It's like telling a child Santa Clause is
real, and then never telling them he's not. Except this Santa
commands that babies be dashed upon stones, that the unborn be Ripped
from their mother's wombs... and people have the audacity to claim
God is Pro-Life. Anyone who claims this has NOT read their bible.
But all of that stuff is old testament right? We don't have
to follow the old testament! Not true. Matthew 5:17 Jesus states that
he did not come to abolish the old Laws, he goes on to say those who
uphold these laws the least and teaches others the same shall not be
called into the kingdom of heaven... Hey every-time I disobeyed you
guys and you didn't stone me to death... that's not following the old
laws to the fullest. Don't forget to repent. That's the loophole.
Mark 7:9 Jesus scolds the Jews for not stoning their
disobedient children. And this is well within Context. That's what
killed me about reading the bible is NOT taking it out of context. In
Context the scriptures are much darker and much more evil.
When
is it morally right for anyone to kill a baby(Hosea 13:16 &
Psalms 137:9)? Derek, when is it morally right to burn your daughter
alive as a sacrifice to god(Judges 11:29-40 )? When is it OK to take
virgins as slaves? Or Slaves at all? (Leviticus
25:44-46 / Exodus
21:2-6 / Exodus 21:7-11)
I say never. It's not even OK for
God. That is cruel, and immoral regardless of who or what you are.
Period.
Those are but a few of the issues I found with the
bible and why I stopped believing. I've attached to this letter more,
so you can go through and see why I stopped believing.
If
I held a gun to your head, and told you, “You have the free will to
give me your wallet or not, but if you don't I'll kill you.” What
would make that different than god saying, “You have the free will
to love me, and accept Jesus as your savior... but if you don't,
you're going to burn in hell.”
Think about it.
But wait,
didn't I speak in tongues? At least once. In brother Cooper's church.
Well, I struggled with this too, but science explains speaking in
tongues. It's called Glossolalia.
It can be learned from others, and is a form of self-hypnosis. It has
been studied by psychologists and Neurobiologists. It isn't
supernatural, or Divine. In fact Tribal societies have done this in
their rituals for thousands of years before Christ was born. This is
scientific fact. And also, there is no biblical support for Speaking
in tongues to be evidence of the holy spirit entering you.
Speaking
in tongues is a Natural function of the human brain.
(http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Glossolalia#Scientific_explanations)
I Love all of you, and I hope this explains some of
my behavior over the past little while. Excusing myself from prayer,
staying away from God conversations, etc.
I miss all of you
terribly, and I do love each and every one of you. And I hope you can
come to the enlightenment that I have found one day.
Love,
Dai
P.S. I am More than willing to come to any church
service, any church to be Prayed through, or for, on one condition.
It can be filmed.
P.P.S. Below are all the problems in the bible that I
have found, they are NOT out of context. I wouldn't be typing this
letter if I didn't think I had biblical backing in my statements. I'm
sure there are more, I do hope you go through these, and do look into
them so you can understand my reasoning.
If the Bible was
divinely inspired, then why would it have so many really obvious
contradictions?
[in the actual letter I have 20+ pages of references to contradictions in the bible, old testament and new, and how jesus didn't fulfill messianic prohpecy.]Click through to Family Update